Music. It's a wonderful and beautiful way to express our praise to God. Whether you have a good voice or make a joyful noise, it's always inspiring for me to see others praise God through song.
About a year ago is when I started to really feel the effects of the Chiari. Along with everything else came a raspy voice. Normally, I could sing for hours. It got to where I could only sing for a few minutes before my voice would diminish. No longer could I sing the beautiful words of the hymns and worship songs that I love. Satan really used it to discourage me. It became difficult to be in the worship service and hear everyone else singing and all I could do was croak out a few notes. After the surgery, I still didn't have a voice. Since then, it is very very slowly coming back. I don't have a wide range and it's not very pretty but I can at least last a song or two before it gives way.
One of our ministers has asked me to sing with the choir in May. It's a song that I know well. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's going to happen. I'm working on exercising those muscles every day but don't seem to be making much progress. Is this going to be permanent? I don't know and I'm really struggling with that.
While trying to rehearse the song I've been asked to sing, I came across another one of my favorites. It reminded me that I don't want to be just another noise that fills the sky. I want Him to sing a song through me.
"A million ways a thousand words a few ideas today
Sitting at the keys my lips they start to pray
What shall I bring what shall I play can I get a taste
Of the music you divinely orchestrate
SING A SONG
SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME
Don't let me be just another noise that fills the sky
Unless it echoes heavens voice a sound inspired
An instrument that captivates you soul's desire
A masterpiece painted with your fire
SING A SONG, SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME
Use my hands, us my feet
Use this rhythm and this beat
Use my mouth so you can speak
Like the river to the deep
SING A SONG, SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME"
- Nate Sallie
Friday, March 26, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
It's been way too long since I've posted here. Not much going on but here goes...
Went to see the surgeon for a check-up on March 9th. He said I was healing nicely so he officially cleared me to do whatever I want do to. I see him again in six months and if everything is good, I won't have to see him again. Yea! No offense to him but no one likes going to the doctor all the time. Plus, it's expensive!
Working 4 days a week instead of the three that I worked before surgery. It's both good and bad. I feel much more stretched because when I get home, I'm just worn out. Don't want to do a thing but change clothes and do something that doesn't require much brain power. On the other hand, I get much more done at work and don't feel so frantic. Just wish I could find a happy medium.
Beautiful weather this week. Today is supposed to be close to 70 degrees. Tonight, the temperature will drop and there are severe thunderstorms in the forecast. Tomorrow, the high temperature is supposed to be 34 degrees with 40-50 mph winds and blowing snow. I don't know which station is correct but some say we'll get 3 inches of snow and another says we could possibly get up to 11 inches. Ah, Oklahoma. If you don't like the weather, just wait a day and it will change.
I've been having more headaches recently. Not a ton of them and not of the intensity that I had before however, they're still there. I'm trying to be aware of what I'm doing when they hit so maybe I can help to avoid them. Also, my neck muscles have seemed really tight lately. Someone suggested that it might be because I spend so much time at a computer. Maybe. I don't know. On the other hand, I think that I might actually be getting my singing voice back! It's very very slow but it's showing signs of improvement. It's been difficult not being able to do what I love but hopefully, that's changing. I'm still EXTREMELY grateful that the surgery produced such good results and actually have no reason for complaint. None.
Must sign off now as my husband and I are going to get a pedicure and enjoy this beautiful day before the snow!
God is good!
Went to see the surgeon for a check-up on March 9th. He said I was healing nicely so he officially cleared me to do whatever I want do to. I see him again in six months and if everything is good, I won't have to see him again. Yea! No offense to him but no one likes going to the doctor all the time. Plus, it's expensive!
Working 4 days a week instead of the three that I worked before surgery. It's both good and bad. I feel much more stretched because when I get home, I'm just worn out. Don't want to do a thing but change clothes and do something that doesn't require much brain power. On the other hand, I get much more done at work and don't feel so frantic. Just wish I could find a happy medium.
Beautiful weather this week. Today is supposed to be close to 70 degrees. Tonight, the temperature will drop and there are severe thunderstorms in the forecast. Tomorrow, the high temperature is supposed to be 34 degrees with 40-50 mph winds and blowing snow. I don't know which station is correct but some say we'll get 3 inches of snow and another says we could possibly get up to 11 inches. Ah, Oklahoma. If you don't like the weather, just wait a day and it will change.
I've been having more headaches recently. Not a ton of them and not of the intensity that I had before however, they're still there. I'm trying to be aware of what I'm doing when they hit so maybe I can help to avoid them. Also, my neck muscles have seemed really tight lately. Someone suggested that it might be because I spend so much time at a computer. Maybe. I don't know. On the other hand, I think that I might actually be getting my singing voice back! It's very very slow but it's showing signs of improvement. It's been difficult not being able to do what I love but hopefully, that's changing. I'm still EXTREMELY grateful that the surgery produced such good results and actually have no reason for complaint. None.
Must sign off now as my husband and I are going to get a pedicure and enjoy this beautiful day before the snow!
God is good!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Fun!
On February 3rd, I turned 50. There. I said it. Actually, it's not bad at all. Come to think of it, I don't think there's enough money in the world to make me go back in time. As my daughter would say, "I can kick, stretch and kick. I'm 50!"
My husband threw me a big birthday bash with all my friends and family. We had so much fun! 48 friends and Mexican food. That's as good as it gets. It was the first time, since my surgery, I've gotten together with everyone. As I looked around the room, I felt so very blessed to have all of these wonderful people in my life. They pray for me (and my family), encourage me and just love me for....me. Thanks, Wes, for bringing everyone together!
On February 11th, my husband and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. As he would say, he "wisked" me away for the weekend. We stayed at the Castle Inn Riverside in Wichita, Kansas. If you've never heard of the place, you need to go and look it up. It's a beautiful old home that's been restored. We went to a movie, did a little bit of shopping (I even actually bought something for myself!) and went to the theater. I'm very blessed to have a husband that treats me so well. I LOVE you, Wes!
Since I'm now working 4 days a week, I've got to figure out how to get everything done. I know that this sounds ridiculous to all of you other working women but I'm absolutely exhausted when I get home. I don't have headaches everyday anymore (just on occasion) but it's like my brain starts to shut down about 3:30-4:00, It's all I can do to concentrate until 5. Then, when I get home, it's almost as if things are confusing. It seems to take me an extra long time to do things. The fact that I still don't sleep well is probably a contributing factor. It's hard, at best, to concentrate on 5 or so hours of sleep. I have my next follow-up with the surgeon on March 9th and I need to ask him about this. I don't know if it's normal or not but it's certainly exhausting!
I'm continuing to heal nicely. My scar is still very itchy and I still have a hole in my head but other than that, I'm doing well. I have random headaches but they're normally not big enough to knock me down. That's a nice change! All in all, I'm still very happy with the results of the surgery. God is good!
My husband threw me a big birthday bash with all my friends and family. We had so much fun! 48 friends and Mexican food. That's as good as it gets. It was the first time, since my surgery, I've gotten together with everyone. As I looked around the room, I felt so very blessed to have all of these wonderful people in my life. They pray for me (and my family), encourage me and just love me for....me. Thanks, Wes, for bringing everyone together!
On February 11th, my husband and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. As he would say, he "wisked" me away for the weekend. We stayed at the Castle Inn Riverside in Wichita, Kansas. If you've never heard of the place, you need to go and look it up. It's a beautiful old home that's been restored. We went to a movie, did a little bit of shopping (I even actually bought something for myself!) and went to the theater. I'm very blessed to have a husband that treats me so well. I LOVE you, Wes!
Since I'm now working 4 days a week, I've got to figure out how to get everything done. I know that this sounds ridiculous to all of you other working women but I'm absolutely exhausted when I get home. I don't have headaches everyday anymore (just on occasion) but it's like my brain starts to shut down about 3:30-4:00, It's all I can do to concentrate until 5. Then, when I get home, it's almost as if things are confusing. It seems to take me an extra long time to do things. The fact that I still don't sleep well is probably a contributing factor. It's hard, at best, to concentrate on 5 or so hours of sleep. I have my next follow-up with the surgeon on March 9th and I need to ask him about this. I don't know if it's normal or not but it's certainly exhausting!
I'm continuing to heal nicely. My scar is still very itchy and I still have a hole in my head but other than that, I'm doing well. I have random headaches but they're normally not big enough to knock me down. That's a nice change! All in all, I'm still very happy with the results of the surgery. God is good!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Hole In My Head
This is my new shirt. I have a hole in my head. Seriously. And it's deep. When I was recovering from surgery, the back of my head was flat and smooth. Then I got a spinal fluid leak and it was swollen and squishy. Now, the part of my head where they removed the bone....a hole. It's creepy at best. I don't know if it's normal or not. Regardless, as my new shirt says, "Two more holes in my head and I'd be a bowling ball." Yee haw.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Brain Picture
I've been meaning to add this MRI image for a while but kept forgetting. See where the arrow points? That's my brain sticking out! Seriously, it's obviously supposed to be round and not have a "tail"...
Still have ice and snow. The sun came out yesterday and melted some of it but today it was overcast and actually snowed for a while. Hopefully, the roads won't be too slick in the morning. I've been off work since last Thursday because of all the ice. Days off are nice but not when the work is piling up!
Have a good week!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Stress
63 degrees on Wednesday. Thursday, Freezing rain and sleet. Friday, snow. Ice, ice and more ice. Global warming? Not in Oklahoma...
Physically, I've been feeling pretty good. I tried to work too much this week and had to talk a half day off. I didn't realize how taxing an 8-9 hour workday would be. I felt fine while I was at work but after I got home, crashed big time. After you have a surgery, you're home for a length of time recovering. During that time, you watch TV, maybe read a little, take naps, etc. You talk with people but it's not constant noise. Going back to work was a challenge. I was very excited to go back on a regular basis because I missed the work and the friends I have there. On the other hand, it's fast paced and doesn't slow down. At all. All day. It was like my brain was exploding with information.
It's been almost 3 months since my surgery. I thought I would be back on track by now. My scar is healed and for all practical purposes, I should be fine. What I didn't expect was to have bouts of tiredness that slam me. I'm fine for 3-4 days and then my body says, "Time to stop." I'm not very good at listening to it and that's one thing that I really need to work on. If I stop and rest, I'm good to go. If not, it affects me for days.
I stress about this because I'm not in control. Actually, there are several things in my life that I can't control. God is teaching me to let go. He has a plan and I trust that plan. I just wish that He would reveal it to me! :o)
I was given some money for Christmas to buy myself some clothes. Most women would think this was heaven. Once again, this is something that stresses me out. When you have medical bills to be paid, it's difficult to look for clothes. Do I need them? Absolutely. Do I want them? Yes but I just can't bring myself to do it. My goal is to get out this week and buy myself something...one piece of clothing...and not feel bad about it. Goodness! Pray for me...
Physically, I've been feeling pretty good. I tried to work too much this week and had to talk a half day off. I didn't realize how taxing an 8-9 hour workday would be. I felt fine while I was at work but after I got home, crashed big time. After you have a surgery, you're home for a length of time recovering. During that time, you watch TV, maybe read a little, take naps, etc. You talk with people but it's not constant noise. Going back to work was a challenge. I was very excited to go back on a regular basis because I missed the work and the friends I have there. On the other hand, it's fast paced and doesn't slow down. At all. All day. It was like my brain was exploding with information.
It's been almost 3 months since my surgery. I thought I would be back on track by now. My scar is healed and for all practical purposes, I should be fine. What I didn't expect was to have bouts of tiredness that slam me. I'm fine for 3-4 days and then my body says, "Time to stop." I'm not very good at listening to it and that's one thing that I really need to work on. If I stop and rest, I'm good to go. If not, it affects me for days.
I stress about this because I'm not in control. Actually, there are several things in my life that I can't control. God is teaching me to let go. He has a plan and I trust that plan. I just wish that He would reveal it to me! :o)
I was given some money for Christmas to buy myself some clothes. Most women would think this was heaven. Once again, this is something that stresses me out. When you have medical bills to be paid, it's difficult to look for clothes. Do I need them? Absolutely. Do I want them? Yes but I just can't bring myself to do it. My goal is to get out this week and buy myself something...one piece of clothing...and not feel bad about it. Goodness! Pray for me...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Spent last evening with my girlfriends for a friend's birthday. As I looked around the table (and thought about the ones that couldn't make it), I was so thankful for these beautiful women. They are my encouragers, my buddies, the ones I go to when I hurt, when I am sad, when I need help and when I just want someone to laugh with. They have stuck by me through thick and thin. They love me when I'm ugly and when I'm sweet. They love me despite all of my flaws. They also love my family as much as I do and would do anything for us. I am one lucky girl.
Since I last posted, things have changed a bit. I'm still having headaches 2-3 days a week. I'm grateful that they're not everyday but when they hit, they're hard. No medication relieves the pain. Loud noises and bright lights make it instantly worse. I've also noticed that I've still got some balance issues. If I turn my head quickly or bend straight over, I get very disoriented and almost fall. I tried cleaning out my bottom kitchen cabinets. Even sat on a chair. Didn't work real well because I kept falling forward and hitting my head on the cabinet. Also, I'm still not sleeping well. Because of this, I'm really tired during the day. Please pray for me that I can find a solution.
I want you to understand that I'm not complaining. Compared to before my surgery, all of this is minor. At first, it was disappointing as I thought these things were gone. But as I've healed and gotten back in to the regular swing of things, I'm noticing that some things are still there. I'm over the disappointment and am learning to do whatever it is I have to do to make it work. Satan is my biggest enemy. He comes to steal, kill and destroy by encouraging me to dwell on these things. I am determined not to do it. I will choose to listen to the voice of truth. Even though I had surgery, I still have Chiari and always will have it but it doesn't mean that I have to let it control my life.
Speaking of getting back into the swing of things, I will be working 4 days a week for a while. Things at work are really busy (which is good) but they're behind and need extra help. Luckily, my boss and I have an agreement about my health so if I feel bad, I am free (and encouraged) to go home and rest. I will try my best but work within my limits....with God's help.
Philippians 3:12-14
Since I last posted, things have changed a bit. I'm still having headaches 2-3 days a week. I'm grateful that they're not everyday but when they hit, they're hard. No medication relieves the pain. Loud noises and bright lights make it instantly worse. I've also noticed that I've still got some balance issues. If I turn my head quickly or bend straight over, I get very disoriented and almost fall. I tried cleaning out my bottom kitchen cabinets. Even sat on a chair. Didn't work real well because I kept falling forward and hitting my head on the cabinet. Also, I'm still not sleeping well. Because of this, I'm really tired during the day. Please pray for me that I can find a solution.
I want you to understand that I'm not complaining. Compared to before my surgery, all of this is minor. At first, it was disappointing as I thought these things were gone. But as I've healed and gotten back in to the regular swing of things, I'm noticing that some things are still there. I'm over the disappointment and am learning to do whatever it is I have to do to make it work. Satan is my biggest enemy. He comes to steal, kill and destroy by encouraging me to dwell on these things. I am determined not to do it. I will choose to listen to the voice of truth. Even though I had surgery, I still have Chiari and always will have it but it doesn't mean that I have to let it control my life.
Speaking of getting back into the swing of things, I will be working 4 days a week for a while. Things at work are really busy (which is good) but they're behind and need extra help. Luckily, my boss and I have an agreement about my health so if I feel bad, I am free (and encouraged) to go home and rest. I will try my best but work within my limits....with God's help.
Philippians 3:12-14
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