Didn't sleep well last night. Got up and sat in a chair in the living room for about an hour. It helped my head to stop pounding. Wish I could take something to help easy the pain in my head, shoulders and back when I lay down. Nothing seems to touch it. All in all, I think I got about 4 good hours of sleep. Ugh...
Today was a good day although I woke up with a headache, as usual. This morning, my husband and I went to get a pedicure together. Toenails were looking way too long and I needed them to be pretty for the surgical nurses. :o)
Later, I went to a friends house where she served some of us lunch. There's no way that I can adequately describe how much I love my friends - the ones that were there and the ones that couldn't be there. We laughed, we cried, they encouraged me and prayed for me. I know that I have prayer warriors that have been and will continue to lift me up to the Father through this whole process. I do NOT take them for granted.
I joined another good friend for dinner. We laughed a lot but didn't cry...
5 days until surgery. God reminded me today that I'm one very lucky girl. He is not a bit surprised at the turn my life has taken and has already made provision for whatever I will need. He has provided me with a beautiful family, a home, a job and blessed me with wonderful friends who love and support me. When you look at the bottom line, what more could a girl possibly ask for?
"The eyes that see a sparrow fall, sees my need before I call. Isn't that just like God? When I question if He even cares, He answers my unspoken prayer. Isn't that just like God?"
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
I Hate My Hair
It's finally Friday and the end to a long and semi-stressful week at work. I'm attempting to train someone to take my place and trying to get work completed at the same time. Needless to say, that's not the easiest thing to do and I'm not doing a very good job. It's frustrating because I have so much to tell her and teach her but there's not enough time. Plus, I didn't sleep very well last night so it was difficult to focus today. My last day at work and last opportunity to train her will be on Monday. Let's hope that I don't confuse the poor girl any more than I already have!
One of the companies that we work with took me, my boss and the new girl to lunch today. Cheesecake Factory. Now that I think of it, the fact that I couldn't focus today was probably because of the big sugar crash that I had this afternoon after eating a piece of red velvet cheesecake!
I hate my hair. Last week, I got it cut short for the surgery. Can't do a thing with it. It sticks out funny and won't hold any kind of shape. I look like a boy. I'm sure that I'll be happy that first 10 days or so when I can't wash my hair but right now - I really hate my hair.
Headache is pretty intense today and seems to be settling in my neck and shoulders. I think that it's compounded by the stress. It really was very difficult for me to focus on a task. I kept forgetting where we were and what we were doing. My spelling was all off and I couldn't get my words out correctly. Frustrating... I'm praying that I'm more clear-headed after the surgery.
Tomorrow, my sweet friends are having a lunch for me. It will be the last time that we'll really get to visit before my surgery and an opportunity for all of us to pray together. Personally, I think that I'm the luckiest girl in the world because I've got irreplaceable friends. I'm sure there will be jokes about wrapping my head in bubble-wrap and packing me in the car for a shopping trip. Yes, my friends are strange but I love them.
It's 6 days until surgery and the apprehension is becoming more noticeable. I try to take big breaths and not think about it. There's much to do to with getting my house in order and moving our office so I'm trying to concentrate on that. God has been reminding me today that He is in control and has a plan for me. He has been using people to demonstrate His love for me. I even got a card today from someone in Georgia that I don't even know. I'm a lucky girl!
One of the companies that we work with took me, my boss and the new girl to lunch today. Cheesecake Factory. Now that I think of it, the fact that I couldn't focus today was probably because of the big sugar crash that I had this afternoon after eating a piece of red velvet cheesecake!
I hate my hair. Last week, I got it cut short for the surgery. Can't do a thing with it. It sticks out funny and won't hold any kind of shape. I look like a boy. I'm sure that I'll be happy that first 10 days or so when I can't wash my hair but right now - I really hate my hair.
Headache is pretty intense today and seems to be settling in my neck and shoulders. I think that it's compounded by the stress. It really was very difficult for me to focus on a task. I kept forgetting where we were and what we were doing. My spelling was all off and I couldn't get my words out correctly. Frustrating... I'm praying that I'm more clear-headed after the surgery.
Tomorrow, my sweet friends are having a lunch for me. It will be the last time that we'll really get to visit before my surgery and an opportunity for all of us to pray together. Personally, I think that I'm the luckiest girl in the world because I've got irreplaceable friends. I'm sure there will be jokes about wrapping my head in bubble-wrap and packing me in the car for a shopping trip. Yes, my friends are strange but I love them.
It's 6 days until surgery and the apprehension is becoming more noticeable. I try to take big breaths and not think about it. There's much to do to with getting my house in order and moving our office so I'm trying to concentrate on that. God has been reminding me today that He is in control and has a plan for me. He has been using people to demonstrate His love for me. I even got a card today from someone in Georgia that I don't even know. I'm a lucky girl!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
One Week Before Surgery
I have a Chiari Type I Malformation with a 6mm-10mm herniation. When the bony skull base is too small or misshapen, it compresses a portion of brain. The brain is then pushed down and squeezed out of the nearest opening. The herniation puts pressure on the brain stem and spinal cord causing all sorts of problems. I like to think that my brain is too big for my head!
My surgery is next week so someone encouraged to write down my thoughts about the upcoming surgery. I'm not the best writer so I'll probably just be throwing out feelings, experiences, etc.
Although I didn't realize that they could all be connected, I've always had strange symptoms that no one could explain.
The back of my head hurts. All the time. It radiates down into my neck and shoulders. The headaches get worse when I bend over, sneeze, cough or extend my neck backward.
My eyes are practically blinded by any bright light so I wear sunglasses year round and keep the blinds shut in my house. I see halos around lights when I drive at night.
One of my ears feels constantly clogged and sometimes I get a ringing sensation in that ear.
Sometimes, I can't swallow. Even water. Often times it actually hurts my neck to swallow.
I've always had fluctuating body temperatures. I can sweat while just sitting in a chair or shake because I'm cold even though it's 100 degrees outside.
I go through periods where I fall. It's like my legs just give way. I've had fainting spells in the past that can't be explained.
I get dizzy when I make quick movements with my head. My balance feels constantly off and there's a kind of stagger to my walk. Because of this, I try to stay away from stairs and uneven surfaces.
I don't sleep very well. I'm exhausted because I lay awake for hours each night.
While trying to sleep, I often choke. Not cough but wake up choking as if I have something lodged in my throat and I can't breathe. I think that this is why my voice sounds scratchy.
My hands and one of my feet feel all tingly - like they're falling asleep. This becomes worse when I lay down. I sometime get electric feeling jolts that run down my leg or arms. When this happens, the tingling becomes worse. I tend to drop things. My face also tingles a lot when I lay down.
I get easily confused and find it difficult to follow a series of tasks or follow conversations. I sometimes forget conversations or events.
My speech is often slurred and at times garbled.
The symptoms go on and on but I think that you get the idea.
I've been admitted to the hospital several times because of these unexplained symptoms. It was during one of those visits, in 1989, that I was first diagnosed with Chiari Type I Malformation. They were going to do surgery but decided against it at the last minute. Needless to say, most of the doctors didn't think that Chiari could be causing my symptoms and send me home telling me to "rest" and try to keep my emotions in check. They gave me muscle relaxers, etc. but didn't really address the actual problem. One doctor actually told my husband that it was all in my head. Guess what? He was right! :o)
This April, the headaches started to occur daily. My hands started tingling and my balance issues became much worse. I became slightly concerned when I started smelling "burning" smells that no one else could smell. My primary care physician sent me for an MRI and again the Chiari showed up. He referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist sent me for a neck MRI. He also did a test on my arms to see if the tingling in my hands was caused from Carpel Tunnel. Since that was negative and my headaches were continuing, he suggested that I see a neurosurgeon. I saw Dr. White on September 23rd and after examining me and looking over my films, he suggested that he felt surgery would help alleviate most of my symptoms. He made sure that I understood that this was not a cure but that it should give me some relief.
After much discussion with my husband regarding the pros and cons, we decided that I should go ahead with the surgery. It will be on November 5th at Mercy Hospital in Oklahoma City and, if all goes as planned, I should be in the hospital for around 5 days. Am I frightened? Not really but I am apprehensive. Not of the surgery but of the recovery. I don't want to be a burden on my husband and am especially concerned about the financial cost. However, I'm really happy to have a clear answer as to what I can do to feel better and know that this is the right time for surgery.
I went to the neurosurgeon's office today to drop off my scans and pay him what my insurance won't cover. Just being there made me feel a bit more more apprehensive but I know that God has a plan for my life and I know that He is in control. Please pray for the doctor doing the operation, the nurses and anyone else that will be taking care of me while I'm in the hospital. Please pray for my family as they help take care of me when I get home. Pray that there will be no infections or other complications after the surgery.
For someone who isn't a writer, I certainly had a lot to say today!
My surgery is next week so someone encouraged to write down my thoughts about the upcoming surgery. I'm not the best writer so I'll probably just be throwing out feelings, experiences, etc.
Although I didn't realize that they could all be connected, I've always had strange symptoms that no one could explain.
The back of my head hurts. All the time. It radiates down into my neck and shoulders. The headaches get worse when I bend over, sneeze, cough or extend my neck backward.
My eyes are practically blinded by any bright light so I wear sunglasses year round and keep the blinds shut in my house. I see halos around lights when I drive at night.
One of my ears feels constantly clogged and sometimes I get a ringing sensation in that ear.
Sometimes, I can't swallow. Even water. Often times it actually hurts my neck to swallow.
I've always had fluctuating body temperatures. I can sweat while just sitting in a chair or shake because I'm cold even though it's 100 degrees outside.
I go through periods where I fall. It's like my legs just give way. I've had fainting spells in the past that can't be explained.
I get dizzy when I make quick movements with my head. My balance feels constantly off and there's a kind of stagger to my walk. Because of this, I try to stay away from stairs and uneven surfaces.
I don't sleep very well. I'm exhausted because I lay awake for hours each night.
While trying to sleep, I often choke. Not cough but wake up choking as if I have something lodged in my throat and I can't breathe. I think that this is why my voice sounds scratchy.
My hands and one of my feet feel all tingly - like they're falling asleep. This becomes worse when I lay down. I sometime get electric feeling jolts that run down my leg or arms. When this happens, the tingling becomes worse. I tend to drop things. My face also tingles a lot when I lay down.
I get easily confused and find it difficult to follow a series of tasks or follow conversations. I sometimes forget conversations or events.
My speech is often slurred and at times garbled.
The symptoms go on and on but I think that you get the idea.
I've been admitted to the hospital several times because of these unexplained symptoms. It was during one of those visits, in 1989, that I was first diagnosed with Chiari Type I Malformation. They were going to do surgery but decided against it at the last minute. Needless to say, most of the doctors didn't think that Chiari could be causing my symptoms and send me home telling me to "rest" and try to keep my emotions in check. They gave me muscle relaxers, etc. but didn't really address the actual problem. One doctor actually told my husband that it was all in my head. Guess what? He was right! :o)
This April, the headaches started to occur daily. My hands started tingling and my balance issues became much worse. I became slightly concerned when I started smelling "burning" smells that no one else could smell. My primary care physician sent me for an MRI and again the Chiari showed up. He referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist sent me for a neck MRI. He also did a test on my arms to see if the tingling in my hands was caused from Carpel Tunnel. Since that was negative and my headaches were continuing, he suggested that I see a neurosurgeon. I saw Dr. White on September 23rd and after examining me and looking over my films, he suggested that he felt surgery would help alleviate most of my symptoms. He made sure that I understood that this was not a cure but that it should give me some relief.
After much discussion with my husband regarding the pros and cons, we decided that I should go ahead with the surgery. It will be on November 5th at Mercy Hospital in Oklahoma City and, if all goes as planned, I should be in the hospital for around 5 days. Am I frightened? Not really but I am apprehensive. Not of the surgery but of the recovery. I don't want to be a burden on my husband and am especially concerned about the financial cost. However, I'm really happy to have a clear answer as to what I can do to feel better and know that this is the right time for surgery.
I went to the neurosurgeon's office today to drop off my scans and pay him what my insurance won't cover. Just being there made me feel a bit more more apprehensive but I know that God has a plan for my life and I know that He is in control. Please pray for the doctor doing the operation, the nurses and anyone else that will be taking care of me while I'm in the hospital. Please pray for my family as they help take care of me when I get home. Pray that there will be no infections or other complications after the surgery.
For someone who isn't a writer, I certainly had a lot to say today!
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