Wow. It's been 2 years and 29 days since my surgery. I don't even know how to comment on that. The time has absolutely flown by.
Since I last commented here, our daughter got married! It was a beautiful ceremony at the Homewood Suites in Wichita, Kansas. The weather was perfect, the ceremony as perfect, all of the family was able to attend and we had more guests that we anticipated. If I can survive brain surgery and planning a wedding, I can do anything!
Life is somewhat back to normal. I still work 4 days a week. I thought things would get easier but I'm still completely exhausted by the end of the day. I started going to a Zumba class 2 days a week. I thought that, too, would get easier but my last class was just as hard as my first class. My sleep patterns are about the same. If I get 4 good hours of sleep at night, that's a good night. I wake up almost as tired as when I went to bed. Lately, I've have several episodes of coughing in my sleep. No real choking yet and I'm praying that it doesn't work in to that. My balance is somewhat good most of the time. I still find myself getting off-balance when I bend over or make a sudden move. I am very careful with stairs and curbs as they often cause me problems. My neck muscles have gone crazy with all of our wildly changing weather lately. I may need to contact the doctor and see if I can get some kind of muscle relaxer as over-the-counter stuff doesn't seem to help. My leg drags in the morning and after I take hot showers. Other than that, I'm still walking pretty good. When I feel sick or have a big headache, my face has started to sag a bit. My vision is still really good with the exception of needing reading glasses. I am a bit concerned because I've been forgetting things again and have started to misplace things. I couldn't find my iPhone the other day when I was at work. I eventually found it - in the refrigerator!
It may sound like I'm complaining but I'm not. I knew that the surgery wouldn't be a cure-all. I have learned to live with my re-occurring symptoms and just find ways to work around them. I'm still so much better off than I was before the surgery and don't regret it one bit.
God never promised us a perfect life but He did promise that he would never leave us. I am eternally grateful for God's unending love for me. I am blessed beyond measure. I am thankful for every little thing He has given to me.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Friday, October 15, 2010
Life
I can't believe that I haven't been on here since April. Life is busy and just flying by. The days are shorter and the temperatures are cooler. Fall has arrived.
My husband bought himself a motorcycle. Although I worry about his safety when he takes long rides, I love the look of joy on his face when he's come back from a ride. I'm thankful that he has some relief and escape from all of the stress of my surgery and recovery. He doesn't deserve to be a nurse-maid for the rest of his life.
I am still working 4 days a week. I'm not going to say it's been easy because at the end of the day I'm completely wiped out but I really love my job and the people that I work with.
I recently saw my surgeon for my final check-up. After talking with me for 30 whole seconds, he pronounced me free to do whatever I want to do. In all fairness, his job was to operate. The operation went well and I am physically healed from the surgery.
As for the rest of me, well, I have good days and not-so-good days. I knew that was a possibility when I had the surgery but I felt so great afterwards that I just assumed (hoped) things would stay that way. Unfortunately, they haven't.
I don't have headaches most days but they are becoming more frequent. I'm not talking about regular headaches from stress, sinus pain, etc. I'm talking about the headaches that I had before the surgery. They originate in the back of my head and cause pain in my neck and shoulders. Sometimes, they're small and I can deal with them. Sometimes, they're big. I can't always stop and lay down when they're big and that doesn't help. They make me feel disoriented. It's difficult to concentrate and follow conversations. It's nearly impossible to read and retain what I'm reading. My face begins to sag again. They completely sap all of my energy. What other option do I have but to deal with them? Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.
I've noticed that my leg is beginning to drag again. Mornings are especially bad.
Most days are really great but sometimes I have difficulty with my balance. Steps and stairs are again becoming a problem.
My singing voice came back at least temporarily. Now, it's getting hoarse again. There's no control anymore. This makes me more sad than anything.
I'm not sleeping much again. I have to take something I only actually sleep for a couple of hours a night. It's exhausting. Probably 4 nights out of 7, I have choking episodes that wake me up from a dead sleep. I've noticed they mostly happen when I'm on my left side so I'm trying to stay off it.
Words sometimes just jumble in my mouth or I can't remember the name of something. My husband teases me about it but I can see that sometimes it's troubling to him.
My hands and face sometimes feel tingly. It usually doesn't last for very long but it's disturbing nonetheless.
Please don't misunderstand and think that I'm complaining. I'm not. I am eternally grateful to Dr. White for performing the surgery. I am still much better than I was before. I am learning to trust in whatever God has for me. I tried the only thing that I could, surgery, and will trust that God has a plan for all of this. I am asking that you pray for me. Pray that God gives me a peace, that I may come to terms with not being completely "healed" and that God will be able to use this in some miraculous way in other people's lives.
PS - By the way, all my hair had grown back in......and I still hate it. :o)
My husband bought himself a motorcycle. Although I worry about his safety when he takes long rides, I love the look of joy on his face when he's come back from a ride. I'm thankful that he has some relief and escape from all of the stress of my surgery and recovery. He doesn't deserve to be a nurse-maid for the rest of his life.
I am still working 4 days a week. I'm not going to say it's been easy because at the end of the day I'm completely wiped out but I really love my job and the people that I work with.
I recently saw my surgeon for my final check-up. After talking with me for 30 whole seconds, he pronounced me free to do whatever I want to do. In all fairness, his job was to operate. The operation went well and I am physically healed from the surgery.
As for the rest of me, well, I have good days and not-so-good days. I knew that was a possibility when I had the surgery but I felt so great afterwards that I just assumed (hoped) things would stay that way. Unfortunately, they haven't.
I don't have headaches most days but they are becoming more frequent. I'm not talking about regular headaches from stress, sinus pain, etc. I'm talking about the headaches that I had before the surgery. They originate in the back of my head and cause pain in my neck and shoulders. Sometimes, they're small and I can deal with them. Sometimes, they're big. I can't always stop and lay down when they're big and that doesn't help. They make me feel disoriented. It's difficult to concentrate and follow conversations. It's nearly impossible to read and retain what I'm reading. My face begins to sag again. They completely sap all of my energy. What other option do I have but to deal with them? Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.
I've noticed that my leg is beginning to drag again. Mornings are especially bad.
Most days are really great but sometimes I have difficulty with my balance. Steps and stairs are again becoming a problem.
My singing voice came back at least temporarily. Now, it's getting hoarse again. There's no control anymore. This makes me more sad than anything.
I'm not sleeping much again. I have to take something I only actually sleep for a couple of hours a night. It's exhausting. Probably 4 nights out of 7, I have choking episodes that wake me up from a dead sleep. I've noticed they mostly happen when I'm on my left side so I'm trying to stay off it.
Words sometimes just jumble in my mouth or I can't remember the name of something. My husband teases me about it but I can see that sometimes it's troubling to him.
My hands and face sometimes feel tingly. It usually doesn't last for very long but it's disturbing nonetheless.
Please don't misunderstand and think that I'm complaining. I'm not. I am eternally grateful to Dr. White for performing the surgery. I am still much better than I was before. I am learning to trust in whatever God has for me. I tried the only thing that I could, surgery, and will trust that God has a plan for all of this. I am asking that you pray for me. Pray that God gives me a peace, that I may come to terms with not being completely "healed" and that God will be able to use this in some miraculous way in other people's lives.
PS - By the way, all my hair had grown back in......and I still hate it. :o)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Sadness
A beautiful day here in Oklahoma. A few threats of possible tornadoes last night but that's the norm for springtime.
Well, the headaches have become more frequent. I don't have them every day but am having them several days a week now. They come very unexpectedly and linger for the rest of the day. My husband tells me that my face has also started to droop when I have headaches. I'm trying not to be worried about the headaches and am pleased that I went so long without one. However, I must say that they're annoying and I can't, for the life of me, figure out what triggers them. On the bright side, I am feeling stronger each day. I don't get tired as easily and everyday things are easier to do. It's been six months and I've still yet to learn not to rush things!
Today, I'm sad. Our oldest dog, who was 16 years old, has been very sick. The medication was making him even more sick and he just wasn't getting well. It was horrible to see him feel bad all the time. We made the decision to put him to sleep. Honestly, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He knew something was going on and I think he really got scared. He was always super friendly with everyone but when the vet came in to get him, he shied away and didn't want to go with him. I am very grateful to our vet. He was very kind and very patient with us. He explained everything and never rushed us. I am relieved that CD is no longer in any kind of pain but feel terrible about today. He was a constant companion when I was sick. He could always tell when I didn't feel well and would just lay beside me. If not for him, I would have spend many lonely days all alone. I will miss him very very much.
Well, the headaches have become more frequent. I don't have them every day but am having them several days a week now. They come very unexpectedly and linger for the rest of the day. My husband tells me that my face has also started to droop when I have headaches. I'm trying not to be worried about the headaches and am pleased that I went so long without one. However, I must say that they're annoying and I can't, for the life of me, figure out what triggers them. On the bright side, I am feeling stronger each day. I don't get tired as easily and everyday things are easier to do. It's been six months and I've still yet to learn not to rush things!
Today, I'm sad. Our oldest dog, who was 16 years old, has been very sick. The medication was making him even more sick and he just wasn't getting well. It was horrible to see him feel bad all the time. We made the decision to put him to sleep. Honestly, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He knew something was going on and I think he really got scared. He was always super friendly with everyone but when the vet came in to get him, he shied away and didn't want to go with him. I am very grateful to our vet. He was very kind and very patient with us. He explained everything and never rushed us. I am relieved that CD is no longer in any kind of pain but feel terrible about today. He was a constant companion when I was sick. He could always tell when I didn't feel well and would just lay beside me. If not for him, I would have spend many lonely days all alone. I will miss him very very much.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sing Thru Me
Music. It's a wonderful and beautiful way to express our praise to God. Whether you have a good voice or make a joyful noise, it's always inspiring for me to see others praise God through song.
About a year ago is when I started to really feel the effects of the Chiari. Along with everything else came a raspy voice. Normally, I could sing for hours. It got to where I could only sing for a few minutes before my voice would diminish. No longer could I sing the beautiful words of the hymns and worship songs that I love. Satan really used it to discourage me. It became difficult to be in the worship service and hear everyone else singing and all I could do was croak out a few notes. After the surgery, I still didn't have a voice. Since then, it is very very slowly coming back. I don't have a wide range and it's not very pretty but I can at least last a song or two before it gives way.
One of our ministers has asked me to sing with the choir in May. It's a song that I know well. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's going to happen. I'm working on exercising those muscles every day but don't seem to be making much progress. Is this going to be permanent? I don't know and I'm really struggling with that.
While trying to rehearse the song I've been asked to sing, I came across another one of my favorites. It reminded me that I don't want to be just another noise that fills the sky. I want Him to sing a song through me.
"A million ways a thousand words a few ideas today
Sitting at the keys my lips they start to pray
What shall I bring what shall I play can I get a taste
Of the music you divinely orchestrate
SING A SONG
SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME
Don't let me be just another noise that fills the sky
Unless it echoes heavens voice a sound inspired
An instrument that captivates you soul's desire
A masterpiece painted with your fire
SING A SONG, SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME
Use my hands, us my feet
Use this rhythm and this beat
Use my mouth so you can speak
Like the river to the deep
SING A SONG, SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME"
- Nate Sallie
About a year ago is when I started to really feel the effects of the Chiari. Along with everything else came a raspy voice. Normally, I could sing for hours. It got to where I could only sing for a few minutes before my voice would diminish. No longer could I sing the beautiful words of the hymns and worship songs that I love. Satan really used it to discourage me. It became difficult to be in the worship service and hear everyone else singing and all I could do was croak out a few notes. After the surgery, I still didn't have a voice. Since then, it is very very slowly coming back. I don't have a wide range and it's not very pretty but I can at least last a song or two before it gives way.
One of our ministers has asked me to sing with the choir in May. It's a song that I know well. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's going to happen. I'm working on exercising those muscles every day but don't seem to be making much progress. Is this going to be permanent? I don't know and I'm really struggling with that.
While trying to rehearse the song I've been asked to sing, I came across another one of my favorites. It reminded me that I don't want to be just another noise that fills the sky. I want Him to sing a song through me.
"A million ways a thousand words a few ideas today
Sitting at the keys my lips they start to pray
What shall I bring what shall I play can I get a taste
Of the music you divinely orchestrate
SING A SONG
SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME
Don't let me be just another noise that fills the sky
Unless it echoes heavens voice a sound inspired
An instrument that captivates you soul's desire
A masterpiece painted with your fire
SING A SONG, SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME
Use my hands, us my feet
Use this rhythm and this beat
Use my mouth so you can speak
Like the river to the deep
SING A SONG, SING A SONG THROUGH ME
LET THE MELODIES I'M OFFERING
MEET HEAVEN'S HARMONIES
LET THIS SONG BE DISCOVERED
BY A HEART THAT'S UNCOVERED
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WANT A SONG
TO SING THROUGH ME"
- Nate Sallie
Friday, March 19, 2010
It's been way too long since I've posted here. Not much going on but here goes...
Went to see the surgeon for a check-up on March 9th. He said I was healing nicely so he officially cleared me to do whatever I want do to. I see him again in six months and if everything is good, I won't have to see him again. Yea! No offense to him but no one likes going to the doctor all the time. Plus, it's expensive!
Working 4 days a week instead of the three that I worked before surgery. It's both good and bad. I feel much more stretched because when I get home, I'm just worn out. Don't want to do a thing but change clothes and do something that doesn't require much brain power. On the other hand, I get much more done at work and don't feel so frantic. Just wish I could find a happy medium.
Beautiful weather this week. Today is supposed to be close to 70 degrees. Tonight, the temperature will drop and there are severe thunderstorms in the forecast. Tomorrow, the high temperature is supposed to be 34 degrees with 40-50 mph winds and blowing snow. I don't know which station is correct but some say we'll get 3 inches of snow and another says we could possibly get up to 11 inches. Ah, Oklahoma. If you don't like the weather, just wait a day and it will change.
I've been having more headaches recently. Not a ton of them and not of the intensity that I had before however, they're still there. I'm trying to be aware of what I'm doing when they hit so maybe I can help to avoid them. Also, my neck muscles have seemed really tight lately. Someone suggested that it might be because I spend so much time at a computer. Maybe. I don't know. On the other hand, I think that I might actually be getting my singing voice back! It's very very slow but it's showing signs of improvement. It's been difficult not being able to do what I love but hopefully, that's changing. I'm still EXTREMELY grateful that the surgery produced such good results and actually have no reason for complaint. None.
Must sign off now as my husband and I are going to get a pedicure and enjoy this beautiful day before the snow!
God is good!
Went to see the surgeon for a check-up on March 9th. He said I was healing nicely so he officially cleared me to do whatever I want do to. I see him again in six months and if everything is good, I won't have to see him again. Yea! No offense to him but no one likes going to the doctor all the time. Plus, it's expensive!
Working 4 days a week instead of the three that I worked before surgery. It's both good and bad. I feel much more stretched because when I get home, I'm just worn out. Don't want to do a thing but change clothes and do something that doesn't require much brain power. On the other hand, I get much more done at work and don't feel so frantic. Just wish I could find a happy medium.
Beautiful weather this week. Today is supposed to be close to 70 degrees. Tonight, the temperature will drop and there are severe thunderstorms in the forecast. Tomorrow, the high temperature is supposed to be 34 degrees with 40-50 mph winds and blowing snow. I don't know which station is correct but some say we'll get 3 inches of snow and another says we could possibly get up to 11 inches. Ah, Oklahoma. If you don't like the weather, just wait a day and it will change.
I've been having more headaches recently. Not a ton of them and not of the intensity that I had before however, they're still there. I'm trying to be aware of what I'm doing when they hit so maybe I can help to avoid them. Also, my neck muscles have seemed really tight lately. Someone suggested that it might be because I spend so much time at a computer. Maybe. I don't know. On the other hand, I think that I might actually be getting my singing voice back! It's very very slow but it's showing signs of improvement. It's been difficult not being able to do what I love but hopefully, that's changing. I'm still EXTREMELY grateful that the surgery produced such good results and actually have no reason for complaint. None.
Must sign off now as my husband and I are going to get a pedicure and enjoy this beautiful day before the snow!
God is good!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Fun!
On February 3rd, I turned 50. There. I said it. Actually, it's not bad at all. Come to think of it, I don't think there's enough money in the world to make me go back in time. As my daughter would say, "I can kick, stretch and kick. I'm 50!"
My husband threw me a big birthday bash with all my friends and family. We had so much fun! 48 friends and Mexican food. That's as good as it gets. It was the first time, since my surgery, I've gotten together with everyone. As I looked around the room, I felt so very blessed to have all of these wonderful people in my life. They pray for me (and my family), encourage me and just love me for....me. Thanks, Wes, for bringing everyone together!
On February 11th, my husband and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. As he would say, he "wisked" me away for the weekend. We stayed at the Castle Inn Riverside in Wichita, Kansas. If you've never heard of the place, you need to go and look it up. It's a beautiful old home that's been restored. We went to a movie, did a little bit of shopping (I even actually bought something for myself!) and went to the theater. I'm very blessed to have a husband that treats me so well. I LOVE you, Wes!
Since I'm now working 4 days a week, I've got to figure out how to get everything done. I know that this sounds ridiculous to all of you other working women but I'm absolutely exhausted when I get home. I don't have headaches everyday anymore (just on occasion) but it's like my brain starts to shut down about 3:30-4:00, It's all I can do to concentrate until 5. Then, when I get home, it's almost as if things are confusing. It seems to take me an extra long time to do things. The fact that I still don't sleep well is probably a contributing factor. It's hard, at best, to concentrate on 5 or so hours of sleep. I have my next follow-up with the surgeon on March 9th and I need to ask him about this. I don't know if it's normal or not but it's certainly exhausting!
I'm continuing to heal nicely. My scar is still very itchy and I still have a hole in my head but other than that, I'm doing well. I have random headaches but they're normally not big enough to knock me down. That's a nice change! All in all, I'm still very happy with the results of the surgery. God is good!
My husband threw me a big birthday bash with all my friends and family. We had so much fun! 48 friends and Mexican food. That's as good as it gets. It was the first time, since my surgery, I've gotten together with everyone. As I looked around the room, I felt so very blessed to have all of these wonderful people in my life. They pray for me (and my family), encourage me and just love me for....me. Thanks, Wes, for bringing everyone together!
On February 11th, my husband and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. As he would say, he "wisked" me away for the weekend. We stayed at the Castle Inn Riverside in Wichita, Kansas. If you've never heard of the place, you need to go and look it up. It's a beautiful old home that's been restored. We went to a movie, did a little bit of shopping (I even actually bought something for myself!) and went to the theater. I'm very blessed to have a husband that treats me so well. I LOVE you, Wes!
Since I'm now working 4 days a week, I've got to figure out how to get everything done. I know that this sounds ridiculous to all of you other working women but I'm absolutely exhausted when I get home. I don't have headaches everyday anymore (just on occasion) but it's like my brain starts to shut down about 3:30-4:00, It's all I can do to concentrate until 5. Then, when I get home, it's almost as if things are confusing. It seems to take me an extra long time to do things. The fact that I still don't sleep well is probably a contributing factor. It's hard, at best, to concentrate on 5 or so hours of sleep. I have my next follow-up with the surgeon on March 9th and I need to ask him about this. I don't know if it's normal or not but it's certainly exhausting!
I'm continuing to heal nicely. My scar is still very itchy and I still have a hole in my head but other than that, I'm doing well. I have random headaches but they're normally not big enough to knock me down. That's a nice change! All in all, I'm still very happy with the results of the surgery. God is good!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Hole In My Head
This is my new shirt. I have a hole in my head. Seriously. And it's deep. When I was recovering from surgery, the back of my head was flat and smooth. Then I got a spinal fluid leak and it was swollen and squishy. Now, the part of my head where they removed the bone....a hole. It's creepy at best. I don't know if it's normal or not. Regardless, as my new shirt says, "Two more holes in my head and I'd be a bowling ball." Yee haw.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)