Life

I can't believe that I haven't been on here since April. Life is busy and just flying by. The days are shorter and the temperatures are cooler. Fall has arrived.

My husband bought himself a motorcycle. Although I worry about his safety when he takes long rides, I love the look of joy on his face when he's come back from a ride. I'm thankful that he has some relief and escape from all of the stress of my surgery and recovery. He doesn't deserve to be a nurse-maid for the rest of his life.

I am still working 4 days a week. I'm not going to say it's been easy because at the end of the day I'm completely wiped out but I really love my job and the people that I work with.

I recently saw my surgeon for my final check-up. After talking with me for 30 whole seconds, he pronounced me free to do whatever I want to do. In all fairness, his job was to operate. The operation went well and I am physically healed from the surgery.

As for the rest of me, well, I have good days and not-so-good days. I knew that was a possibility when I had the surgery but I felt so great afterwards that I just assumed (hoped) things would stay that way. Unfortunately, they haven't.

I don't have headaches most days but they are becoming more frequent. I'm not talking about regular headaches from stress, sinus pain, etc. I'm talking about the headaches that I had before the surgery. They originate in the back of my head and cause pain in my neck and shoulders. Sometimes, they're small and I can deal with them. Sometimes, they're big. I can't always stop and lay down when they're big and that doesn't help. They make me feel disoriented. It's difficult to concentrate and follow conversations. It's nearly impossible to read and retain what I'm reading. My face begins to sag again. They completely sap all of my energy. What other option do I have but to deal with them? Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

I've noticed that my leg is beginning to drag again. Mornings are especially bad.

Most days are really great but sometimes I have difficulty with my balance. Steps and stairs are again becoming a problem.

My singing voice came back at least temporarily. Now, it's getting hoarse again. There's no control anymore. This makes me more sad than anything.

I'm not sleeping much again. I have to take something I only actually sleep for a couple of hours a night. It's exhausting. Probably 4 nights out of 7, I have choking episodes that wake me up from a dead sleep. I've noticed they mostly happen when I'm on my left side so I'm trying to stay off it.

Words sometimes just jumble in my mouth or I can't remember the name of something. My husband teases me about it but I can see that sometimes it's troubling to him.

My hands and face sometimes feel tingly. It usually doesn't last for very long but it's disturbing nonetheless.

Please don't misunderstand and think that I'm complaining. I'm not. I am eternally grateful to Dr. White for performing the surgery. I am still much better than I was before. I am learning to trust in whatever God has for me. I tried the only thing that I could, surgery, and will trust that God has a plan for all of this. I am asking that you pray for me. Pray that God gives me a peace, that I may come to terms with not being completely "healed" and that God will be able to use this in some miraculous way in other people's lives.

PS - By the way, all my hair had grown back in......and I still hate it. :o)