Old Friend

Although the doctor has cleared me to drive and go back to work, I'm feeling a bit tired and weak these days. I've been out several times to try and do some Christmas shopping and went to church on Sunday. Any little trip makes me really tired. I start out with lots of energy and by the time I get home, I just want to crash. Everyone seems to be talking very loudly and moving quickly. It's a lot to take in when you've been cooped-up in your home. My neck is starting to bother me as I'm have muscle spasms. This is a new development and quite disconcerting. I'm not sleeping well and am tired when I wake up. Am I pushing myself too much? I don't think so as I've done very little. It will be 6 weeks tomorrow since my surgery. Well, maybe I AM expecting too much. Just trying not to feel depressed at the slow recovery.

I ventured out today and had lunch with an old friend. Well, technically she's not old. She IS older than me but what I mean is that we've been friends for a long time.

It's funny how God works. A friend of mine (not the old one) said to me on Sunday that we're like animals in that we want to go into a hole and hide and lick our wounds. Every time I start to feel that way, God reminds me of someone else who has difficulties in their life. This is where the aforementioned old friend comes in.

My old friend has had cancer, multiple surgeries, etc. Her father also has cancer and she's taking care of him. God hit me right between the eyes while she and I were lunching today. I asked her how she was feeling and as she spoke, she had the biggest smile on her face. She was talking about caring for her father, going for another CT scan to check-up on her cancer and still recovering from her last surgery. With a smile. Then she began to tell me all the ways that God has blessed her through the illness. The way that God provided Christian doctors and nurses to not only care for her but to pray for her. The way God provided for them financially. That she felt good about taking care of her father because he took care of her for all these years. The way her husband came into some money and it was a blessing because she was able to buy a better and more reliable car so that when she had a treatment or had to take her father for one, it wouldn't stall and break down. God whispered in my ear, "And you feel depressed because you get so TIRED when you do things?"

There's a song that says, "Sometimes we have to be knocked down to make us look up." This is so very true. Each time I have a pity party, God brings someone to my mind that has more problems than I do and nudges me to pray for them. When I pray for them, it completely takes the focus off of me.

After lunch this afternoon, I was worn out. But as I sat down, I prayed for my old friend. Then God brought someone else to my mind and I prayed for them. Then another and another. My selfishness melted away as I looked beyond myself and at the needs of others.

This Chiari journey is going to be a long one. Some days will be good and some days not so good. I'm thankful that I can cry out to the Father. The one who knows my every need. The one who has a plan for me.