Almost 2010

Well, we still have snow on the ground but most of the main streets are dry. The neighborhoods are another story. We've been lucky that the last few days have been above freezing so the big melt is going on. It's not doing much to the really big snow drifts but at least you can get around town. There is more snow forecast for tomorrow, tomorrow night and Wednesday night. This time it's only supposed to be 1-2 inches. As long as we don't get freezing rain and ice, it will be great.

Several days ago, I started having headaches. All day and night. Not necessarily a regular headache but more like pressure. I remember commenting that my scar was kind of hurting. The day after Christmas, I noticed a swollen spot by my scar. By Sunday, it was still there but getting bigger and squishy. Called the neurosurgeon's office and they had me come in. My doctor wasn't there but another surgeon looked at and felt it. Yep, I've got a leak. Probably in the patch that they put on the sac around my brain. They made me an appointment with my own surgeon next Tuesday for him to look at it and decide what to do. So, I'm asking that you pray for me. Well, specifically that the leak would stop and not get any bigger. If it's still there next week, they said they might have to do another MRI or CT scan. I don't want that because it will be after the first of the year and I'd be starting my insurance deductible all over again. So, please pray.

2010 is almost here and 2009 seems to have flown by. Our daughter graduated from college, got a full time job, moved out into her own apartment and has recently become engaged. My parents took the whole family on a cruise for their 50th wedding anniversary. We made a trip to Michigan for my husband's class reunion. I had surgery on this thick head. 2009 was a good year but I look forward to the year ahead. God has a plan for us and I can't wait to see what it is!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! "For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord!" While I am extremely thankful for family, friends, health, etc., I am most thankful that God loved us so much that He sent His son. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Blizzard 2009. That's what they're calling it. Yesterday, we had wind gusts of up to 65 miles per hour with blowing snow. Snowing at around an inch per hour. Last official total I heard was 14 inches at the airport. We've got super big drifts around our house! It's beautiful to see this morning but last night they shut down the interstates and thousands of people were stranded in their cars for up to 10 hours. Today, the sun is shining but it's going to stay 32 or below for the next 7 days. More snow coming next week. Stay home. Enjoy your families. If you must go out, please plan ahead and be safe!

Busy/Parties/Shopping/Tired/Thankful

It's been a very busy last few days and I'm really worn out. I went out Christmas shopping on Friday and Saturday. Why oh why didn't I shop BEFORE my surgery? Pardon me if this sounds rude but people act crazy this time of year. Personally, I think there should be some kind of rule as to how many people can go shopping together. Seriously. Example: Wal-Mart. Here came a mother with 4 teenagers trailing behind her. Come on now. Does it take 5 people clogging up an isle so that mom can pick up bread? Clogging it up because they never follow her in a nice line. No, they stand right in the middle of the aisle. When you politely say, "Excuse me" so that you can get by, they give you the look of death and just stand there. If I'm being honest, I wanted to run over them with my cart. Instead, I gave them one of those 'mommy' looks. Guess I'm scarier than I think because they moved right out of my way. Now, should we discuss all of the people trying to get to Quail Springs Mall? No, I think you get the point.

We had our Connection Class Christmas party on Saturday night. It was really nice to see everyone because I haven't been to class since my surgery. Everyone wanted to see my scar, talk about my recovery and seemed genuinely happy to see me. Played dirty Santa and had some yummy Christmas food.

Sunday morning our choir and orchestra presented great Christmas music. Although I enjoyed it, I was sad that I'm not able to sing with them yet. My voice still sounds scratchy and hoarse. I don't know how long this will last but I really really miss singing.

Sunday evening, we went to my bosses house for our office Christmas party. Good food and good fun. He passed out money to all of us and then we bid on different gifts. I bid at just the right time and hit the jackpot. Came home with the best gift of the night - a box full of cash! Seriously!

Today, I finished my shopping. Fought with the traffic and rude shoppers. Needless to say, I'm worn out. Tomorrow is looking like a good nap day. Getting my eyes checked and going to work on Wednesday. Opening gifts with the whole family on Thursday.

Christmas is my favorite time of year. Not the hustle and crazy crowds of people. That, I could do without. Not even the presents as I have everything that I need and most of what I want but I love buying presents for people. This year, it's been difficult because I haven't had much time or money. I still love giving. I love spending time with my family. The laughing, the eating, the big smiles on their faces when they open up something that they've been wanting. My father reads the Christmas story and we each get a piece of the nativity. As he reads, we put our pieces together until the whole thing is complete. We talk about the blessings that God has given us and remind each other of the honor of being called one of His children.

I especially grateful this year for my health. Every day I'm amazed at the improvement. I'm thankful for God providing just the right doctors at just the right time. I had excellent care while I was in the hospital and after I came home. I'm still in recovery mode but I have a home to live in, a car to drive, food to eat, clothes to wear, a job to provide the money to pay the bills and a healthy and happy family. But most of all I'm thankful that God so loved me that He gave His only son so that when I believed in Him, I wouldn't perish but will have eternal life. This year, let's not forget what the birth of the baby means.

Work - The Sequel

As of today, it's been exactly six weeks since my surgery. For the average person, six weeks might sound like a long time. For me, it's gone lightening fast. Seems like yesterday I was in ICU and they couldn't get a vein to change my IV. Thirteen times. That's how many times they stuck me to try and get a new vein. The veins kept rolling and breaking. I had bruises everywhere. At least the nurses were apologetic and kind about it. They were very lucky that I was on morphine or there may have been much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

So, today I again went back to work. My goal was to make it all day. That's a lot harder than it sounds. Before my surgery, I routinely worked 10 hour days without blinking an eye. Not now. I got to work at 8:00 a.m. and by 10:30 a.m., I was wishing that the day would hurry and be over. I had several humps like that but forged ahead and actually made it until 5:00 p.m.! My brain is completely fried and I'm exhausted but for the first time, in a long long time, I had a clear head. All day. Not once did I get confused. Not once did I get lost and wonder what I was doing. That alone kept me going. I cannot begin to tell you what a difference this surgery has made. I will try for another full day this next week.

You would have thought that completing an entire day of work would be enough for one day. Nope. I went to hear the Oklahoma City Philharmonic after work today. (They put on an annual Christmas program in Yukon every year.) I really didn't know if I would be able to stay awake but I was greatly blessed. To listen to the talented musicians and to hear the beautiful singers singing about Christ's birth was just what I needed. We get so caught up in all the hurrying, decorating, buying presents, going to parties, etc. that we forget what we're celebrating. It's not a day to exchange gifts. It's a day for us to remember the birth of our savior. Let us not get so caught up in ourselves that we forget the reason that we celebrate this day.

Getting my hair trimmed up tomorrow. It's growing really fast and is almost covering my scar. One more month and I don't know that you'll even be able to tell that I had surgery. I'll get my husband to take a picture and try to get it up tomorrow.

Though today ended up being a good day, I'm asking that you still continue to pray for me and for those like me that live every day with Chiari. The surgery isn't a cure-all and there's no guarantee that my symptoms won't come back. I still live with headaches and occasional strange sensations in my arms and legs but I am very grateful to God for the relief of my major symptoms. Others are not so fortunate. I am blessed with wonderful family and friends and have a lot of support. Once again, I do NOT take them for granted. God is good!

Old Friend

Although the doctor has cleared me to drive and go back to work, I'm feeling a bit tired and weak these days. I've been out several times to try and do some Christmas shopping and went to church on Sunday. Any little trip makes me really tired. I start out with lots of energy and by the time I get home, I just want to crash. Everyone seems to be talking very loudly and moving quickly. It's a lot to take in when you've been cooped-up in your home. My neck is starting to bother me as I'm have muscle spasms. This is a new development and quite disconcerting. I'm not sleeping well and am tired when I wake up. Am I pushing myself too much? I don't think so as I've done very little. It will be 6 weeks tomorrow since my surgery. Well, maybe I AM expecting too much. Just trying not to feel depressed at the slow recovery.

I ventured out today and had lunch with an old friend. Well, technically she's not old. She IS older than me but what I mean is that we've been friends for a long time.

It's funny how God works. A friend of mine (not the old one) said to me on Sunday that we're like animals in that we want to go into a hole and hide and lick our wounds. Every time I start to feel that way, God reminds me of someone else who has difficulties in their life. This is where the aforementioned old friend comes in.

My old friend has had cancer, multiple surgeries, etc. Her father also has cancer and she's taking care of him. God hit me right between the eyes while she and I were lunching today. I asked her how she was feeling and as she spoke, she had the biggest smile on her face. She was talking about caring for her father, going for another CT scan to check-up on her cancer and still recovering from her last surgery. With a smile. Then she began to tell me all the ways that God has blessed her through the illness. The way that God provided Christian doctors and nurses to not only care for her but to pray for her. The way God provided for them financially. That she felt good about taking care of her father because he took care of her for all these years. The way her husband came into some money and it was a blessing because she was able to buy a better and more reliable car so that when she had a treatment or had to take her father for one, it wouldn't stall and break down. God whispered in my ear, "And you feel depressed because you get so TIRED when you do things?"

There's a song that says, "Sometimes we have to be knocked down to make us look up." This is so very true. Each time I have a pity party, God brings someone to my mind that has more problems than I do and nudges me to pray for them. When I pray for them, it completely takes the focus off of me.

After lunch this afternoon, I was worn out. But as I sat down, I prayed for my old friend. Then God brought someone else to my mind and I prayed for them. Then another and another. My selfishness melted away as I looked beyond myself and at the needs of others.

This Chiari journey is going to be a long one. Some days will be good and some days not so good. I'm thankful that I can cry out to the Father. The one who knows my every need. The one who has a plan for me.

Work

I met with my bosses yesterday to decide when I was going to come back to work, my hours, etc. After the meeting, I said I'd stay and work for a while. Little did I know how exhausting it would be. I got there at 9:00 a.m. and by 1:45 p.m. I was completely exhausted. It took a lot more concentration than I've been used to and I didn't even do any work that was taxing! I left there feeling like I needed to sleep for a week.

Unfortunately, this is normal for me. I feel really great when I'm home but once I get out and do something, I get tired quickly. I know that it will take more time to heal but after 5 weeks of being at home, I'm ready to get back to normal. Being able to drive has helped a LOT.

Tomorrow, since I haven't bought anything yet, I'm going to try and do some Christmas shopping. I think I'll limit myself to the morning hours and if I need a nap when I get home, I'm going to take one!

Most of my symptoms are still gone. Headaches are still there most everyday but they move around and are becoming less bothersome. There have been a few times when I've had difficulty swallowing my food or medication but all in all, I feel good. My leg is still cooperating and not dragging so I'm super pleased with that. There haven't been any choking episodes at night so I think that my husband is probably getting a much better nights sleep than he was before. My chronic cough is gone. My scar feels really tight and it's irritating to lay on it but I think that I might get some vitamin E oil to put on it and maybe soften it up. My hair is growing back very rapidly so the scar is less noticeable.

Compared to five weeks ago, I feel terrific. Healing well and enjoying life. I have had an outpouring of love and support from my family, friends and church. What more could I ask for? Nothing! God is good!

I'm Free!

Had my one month check-up today with the neurosurgeon and he cleared me to do most anything now! I can't lift or move really heavy objects or go skiing or snowboarding for 6 months but at least I can drive. That alone will help me feel more 'normal'. I don't have to see the surgeon again until March.

I still have days when I feel completely exhausted but my good days are becoming more and more frequent. Today is the second day that I haven't had some kind of headache. That, in itself, is a reason to celebrate!

Now, I need to see if I can start back to work. I'll just take the days as they come and work as much as my body will let me. I also need to do some Christmas shopping. I've only got 2 1/2 weeks!

I know that my Chiari journey isn't over but has only just begun. I look forward to sharing with you how God continues to heal me and I pray that He will use my experience to encourage others. God is good!

Discouraged

I'm feeling discouraged today. As I've stated before, I've got this lump on the back of my head by the incision. They took a CT scan and said there was no leak. Regardless, the lump is still there and it's really hurting. I'm now having a headache that generates from that spot. It hurts to lay on it and the scar is starting to feel very sensitive right around the swollen place.

Up until the last several days, I've been feeling pretty good. Now, I feel like I've been set back 2 weeks. I'm just exhausted, don't have much of an appetite and I have a headache again. My neck has started to hurt. As I've said, I see the doctor on the 8th and was hoping that he'd release me to drive, go back to work, etc. He might still do that but if I don't feel better, it's just not going to happen.

I was reading stories online last night about people recovering from this surgery. Some people felt fine after 3-4 weeks and it took others 6 months or more to be able to function normally. It's been almost 4 weeks for me and I feel like I'm going backwards. I'm doing what I was told to do which is rest. I'm not doing anything that I shouldn't be doing. I'm taking naps when I'm tired. Yes, I've been out several times but I didn't overdo it. Am I expecting too much too fast?