Brain Picture

I've been meaning to add this MRI image for a while but kept forgetting. See where the arrow points? That's my brain sticking out! Seriously, it's obviously supposed to be round and not have a "tail"...

Still have ice and snow. The sun came out yesterday and melted some of it but today it was overcast and actually snowed for a while. Hopefully, the roads won't be too slick in the morning. I've been off work since last Thursday because of all the ice. Days off are nice but not when the work is piling up!

Have a good week!

Stress

63 degrees on Wednesday. Thursday, Freezing rain and sleet. Friday, snow. Ice, ice and more ice. Global warming? Not in Oklahoma...

Physically, I've been feeling pretty good. I tried to work too much this week and had to talk a half day off. I didn't realize how taxing an 8-9 hour workday would be. I felt fine while I was at work but after I got home, crashed big time. After you have a surgery, you're home for a length of time recovering. During that time, you watch TV, maybe read a little, take naps, etc. You talk with people but it's not constant noise. Going back to work was a challenge. I was very excited to go back on a regular basis because I missed the work and the friends I have there. On the other hand, it's fast paced and doesn't slow down. At all. All day. It was like my brain was exploding with information.

It's been almost 3 months since my surgery. I thought I would be back on track by now. My scar is healed and for all practical purposes, I should be fine. What I didn't expect was to have bouts of tiredness that slam me. I'm fine for 3-4 days and then my body says, "Time to stop." I'm not very good at listening to it and that's one thing that I really need to work on. If I stop and rest, I'm good to go. If not, it affects me for days.

I stress about this because I'm not in control. Actually, there are several things in my life that I can't control. God is teaching me to let go. He has a plan and I trust that plan. I just wish that He would reveal it to me! :o)

I was given some money for Christmas to buy myself some clothes. Most women would think this was heaven. Once again, this is something that stresses me out. When you have medical bills to be paid, it's difficult to look for clothes. Do I need them? Absolutely. Do I want them? Yes but I just can't bring myself to do it. My goal is to get out this week and buy myself something...one piece of clothing...and not feel bad about it. Goodness! Pray for me...

Spent last evening with my girlfriends for a friend's birthday. As I looked around the table (and thought about the ones that couldn't make it), I was so thankful for these beautiful women. They are my encouragers, my buddies, the ones I go to when I hurt, when I am sad, when I need help and when I just want someone to laugh with. They have stuck by me through thick and thin. They love me when I'm ugly and when I'm sweet. They love me despite all of my flaws. They also love my family as much as I do and would do anything for us. I am one lucky girl.

Since I last posted, things have changed a bit. I'm still having headaches 2-3 days a week. I'm grateful that they're not everyday but when they hit, they're hard. No medication relieves the pain. Loud noises and bright lights make it instantly worse. I've also noticed that I've still got some balance issues. If I turn my head quickly or bend straight over, I get very disoriented and almost fall. I tried cleaning out my bottom kitchen cabinets. Even sat on a chair. Didn't work real well because I kept falling forward and hitting my head on the cabinet. Also, I'm still not sleeping well. Because of this, I'm really tired during the day. Please pray for me that I can find a solution.

I want you to understand that I'm not complaining. Compared to before my surgery, all of this is minor. At first, it was disappointing as I thought these things were gone. But as I've healed and gotten back in to the regular swing of things, I'm noticing that some things are still there. I'm over the disappointment and am learning to do whatever it is I have to do to make it work. Satan is my biggest enemy. He comes to steal, kill and destroy by encouraging me to dwell on these things. I am determined not to do it. I will choose to listen to the voice of truth. Even though I had surgery, I still have Chiari and always will have it but it doesn't mean that I have to let it control my life.

Speaking of getting back into the swing of things, I will be working 4 days a week for a while. Things at work are really busy (which is good) but they're behind and need extra help. Luckily, my boss and I have an agreement about my health so if I feel bad, I am free (and encouraged) to go home and rest. I will try my best but work within my limits....with God's help.

Philippians 3:12-14

Ah, the holidays are over ad life is somewhat back to normal. I've been working two days a week. It may not seem like a lot to most people but I'm exhausted at the end of each working day. I sit at a computer all day. In some ways, this is a lot more tiring than being up and around and doing something. My brain feels bogged down by the time I leave. Regardless, I am extremely grateful that I have a job. I am NOT taking it for granted.

Well, the headaches have come back a bit. I don't know if it's because of the CSF leak or other fluid or whatever is causing the burning squishy place on the back of my head or if I'm just getting some of the headaches back. Let me clarify, before the surgery I had a headache every day. Every day. Now, I get them 2-3 times a week. I am grateful that they're not as frequent but I am a bit disappointed that I'm still having them. Whatever the reason, God has a plan.

I'm not sleeping well. I should say that I'm hardly sleeping at all. Last night, it was after 3:30 a.m. before I got more than 5-10 minutes of sleep at a time. I'm so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open but sleep just doesn't come. I don't lay there and think of problems in my life. I'm just not sleeping. This makes me extremely drowsy during the day. I can't wait to hit the bed at night only to lay there without sleep. Tried over-the-counter sleep aids. None of them are working. What to do...? I pray for people. God brings many people to my mind and I pray for them. All sorts of situations. The hurting, the sick, the jobless. Eventually, I fall asleep while talking to God. I suppose there's no better way to end your day.

Our church will be doing cardboard testimonies on Sunday and I'm participating. What a blessing to be able to share with the whole congregation what God has done in my life.

Haiti. What a horrible situation. Seeing the pictures of devastation and the look of no hope in the eyes of the displaced and wounded has been haunting me for days. The remarks by a certain evangelist were distressing. Now, a movie actor is blaming global warming. I cannot begin to imagine the suffering that these poor people are going through. No food or water. Scared to sleep in their own homes for fear of another earthquake. Dead bodies piled everywhere. Lack of medical attention. It should be a wake-up call to those are complacent about their place in this world. Those who are "self-satisfied and unaware of possible danger". We had a very small earthquake in central Oklahoma today. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? We could be the next victims of tragedy. Never take for granted this day that the Lord has given to you. Serve him today as though this is your last day.

2010

I haven't written in a while because we've been super busy. My husband completely redid the extra bedroom in our house. Took the popcorn off of the ceiling, painted the walls and the woodwork. Moved my grandmother's old bedroom furniture in and bought new bedding. This is the first time in our marriage that we've had an extra bedroom. When our daughter moved out into her own apartment, we took over her bedroom as our office and now we actually have space for someone to come and stay. Suddenly, our house seems much bigger!

On December 30th, we had some friends from Miami, Florida come to stay with us. They had been to Michigan for Christmas and drove this way to see us before they went back home. Our house is on the small side so 5 adults in a house for 3 days was very interesting to say the least. Unfortunately, the newly painted room wasn't large enough for all three of them but at least we had a room for all of their stuff! We had a great time seeing them and sent the cold weather with them to take home to Miami! I don't think they appreciated that too much... :o)

Thanks to the insistence of my husband, we got a new refrigerator! (The one we had was purchased in 1984.) It's stainless steel with french doors on the top and the freezer at the bottom. Ice and water in the door. I LOVE it!

Went back to the surgeon about the leak in my head. He said it could be spinal fluid or it could be some other kind of fluid. Regardless, he felt that I was progressing and healing very well and there was no need for an MRI or CT scan. He said that my body should absorb the fluid. I can't tell you how relieved I am. Just the thought that they might have to open me back up to repair a spinal fluid leak was very unsettling. I still am getting headaches and have occasional balance problems. I just need to remind myself that the surgery was not a cure-all. There was always the possibility of my symptoms not going completely away or reoccurring. I will learn to live with the headaches and being wobbly. I have decided that I will lay down when I am tired. I must listen to my body. Regardless of these past few weeks, I am still very pleased with the outcome of the surgery. It's only been 8 weeks and I'm feeling better each day.

For the next month or so, I will be working 2 days a week. Hopefully, that will work into 3 days. Although we need the money, personally I needed to go back to work for my sanity. I really enjoy my job and the people that I work with. Yes, I'm very tired after working an 8 hour day but I will adjust quickly. I'm just very very grateful that they were willing to have me come back. Many people don't have jobs and I am very thankful and don't take mine for granted.

It's 2010. Hard to believe time passes so quickly. With our daughter out of college and out on her own, my husband and I are starting a completely new phase in our lives. One thing that this surgery has afforded us is more time spent together. I can't explain how much this has meant to me. Spending time with the ones you love is the best.

In 2010, I decided to follow our Pastor's advice and read the Bible through again. I pray that God speaks to me in a new and fresh way. While I was reading today, I was also listening to music. The last song that I listened to is my 2010 prayer for you.

May the grace of God surround you
May His light direct your path
May His spirit lead and guide you
As the weeks and months go past
May your soul be blessed
And may your joy be full
Of the love that His light brings
As you obey His call
Remember most of all
You're a child of the King

May the peace of the Lord go with you
The peace of the Lord go with you
May His spirit rest within you
To comfort and befriend you
He is right beside you
To constantly remind you
You're a child of the King

P.S. -Almost forgot something exciting! I went to the eye doctor on Monday and while I was there I had a visual fields test. Basically, it measures your perpherial vision. Before, I barely had any in my right eye. Now, I got 100% onthe test. I've got all of my vision back. Praise God!